TEACHER, NO TEACH ME NONSENSE!

“You will start your promotional exams on monday. Make sure you read your books and study hard …” The head teacher told the pupils during the weekly assembly moral speech routine

“Yes sir!” They chorused.
Now, that was just a service from the lip! Are you confused?
Don’t be, in fact if you think like me, then you would be angry real soon!

Relax…

After the assembly, the few teachers gathered to listen to any information or responsibility that could be discharged to them for the week, As that day was the first day of work, Monday.

“Please teachers ensure to write your lesson notes and submit them for marking…last but not least make sure that the students don’t have less than 18 over 20, and do not record anything yet into the report card as ‘oga’ will have to cross check all you wrote and make the necessary corrections.” She said and stopped to look at the un-interested faces of the teachers who seemed to be tired of the Monday morning ‘story’ and hoped to hear something as good as the payment of the previous month’s salary which was yet to be paid at the current month which was so close to coming to an end.

I looked on, confused being a new teacher in the school and was skeptical about asking any question since the old teachers simply looked away and was only waiting for the assistant head teacher’s dismissal.

“Alright then, since no one has a question, suggestion or objection. You may take your…”
They didn’t even wait to hear the last of what she had to say before they all had their backs turned to the poor woman, who just looked on in dismay as she also turned to take her leave.

I walked quietly behind her into the staff room. The staff room was another bone of contention but that is another day’s story.

So…

I sat down at my desk and listened carefully to their murmurs waiting for the brave amongst them to break the ice.

“These people are stupid oo! Mmsheww!! Infact this country don spoil finish! Can you imagine, me give a student who will not write my note or even avoid coming to school for weeks, eight-EEN !!! ” She shouted, making the stress on the ‘een’ loud and funny that everyone burst into laughter. As her eyes were still wide and her mouth spread so wide that I could see the corners of her teeth especially her pink gum and the empty hole on the left which was free of a tooth on her upper lip region.

She doesn’t disappoint me. I knew she would be the first to speak as she doesn’t hide her disgust. She had once told her fellow teacher when they both quarrelled over a red pen in the staff room.

“…instead make dem pay my salary, na so so nosense dem go dey yan. Make I see wetin go carry me go teach today. After all, dem go pass all of them upon all the wahala wey teacher go do sef. So why disturb myself?” She lamented and sat down grudgingly as she stretched her legs over the table and picked up her food flask frowning at the pink and long stainless cooler as a fly tried to perch over the food as the aroma from her moi moi took over the room.
The switch of her diction from pidgin to English had got me smile with the corner of my lips as I stole a quick glance at the substance on the spoon she lifted close to her mouth to confirm my guess.

The truth is,

They are all unhappy. All of them and right now, me inclusive!
The school ensures that the teachers are never free and always in class! Did I just hear you mutter, ‘that’s their job’ ?
I bet you wouldn’t stand the stress of taking two to three or four subjects, all arms and classes. You take them subject A, classes 1 -3, arm 1 a, b; 2a ,b and so on…then subject B and C respectively, and paid a stipends and often never get paid when you need the change dearly!

So tell me, what’s the motivation?

Now the annoying thing is the fact that, it doesn’t matter if you truly know what you are teaching or let me us the term ‘delivering’ since all you are expected to do is read the text book and give it to them!

‘That’s so unfair!’ I had said to the head teacher when he mentioned that to me. You cannot give what you don’t have!

Now let me get to the part that broke my camel’s back!
The so called promotional examination started, but this time for the final year junior class category. This type of examination is usually collated and marked by an external body.

This fateful day, while the students sat down and awaited the examination papers. Few teachers, prayed with them and got their nerves a little relaxed (that’s if they were ever up!).
Some few minutes later their papers were brought in and silence filled the air.

The papers were distributed and I remembered when I was once like them as I peeped to look at them through the staff room’s window space which was free of glass as a bird flew in and out quickly to get some more materials to build its nest by the side of the ‘roof’ fan (as that was the only thing I could see up before the fan)!

I sat down back and continued the book I was reading. But soon after, I heard some unusual voice and movement from the direction of the examination centre just behind where I sat.
A masculine voice was whispering and there was some unusual silence as two to three teachers with the head teacher went in and out of the staff room with papers in their hands.

I looked at Mrs. Beckley’s corner, she had finished eating and now had a magazine in her hands as she hissed softly shortly after the head teacher stepped outside and returned her gaze at the magazine which she seem to be enjoying..

I quickly got up from my desk and peeped through the window to see the students…

I was shocked to the bones at what I saw!

‘These kids are too young for this! ‘ I thought and frowned in disgust as I watched the head teacher dictate the objective part of the subject to the students who were very attentive and looked sideways to ensure they got what the man whispered right.
Shortly, the man wrote the answers to the theory as well on the board and sometimes would even help the students scribble answers on papers and ordered them to write!

My heart broke…

Not even with the smiles and keen attention the students had on their faces as they wrote on their answer sheets.

I sat back on my chair with a frown and a painful tear at the corner of my eyes which I struggled to push back. My hands trembled and my legs and back ached. Then I wondered, if these children at this stage and age (the oldest couldn’t be more than 14) are exposed to this act with no sign or sense of remorse on their young and innocent face, what then would they do when they go older?

‘ Na so we dey do am here ooo my sister, don’t give your self headache. In fact, don’t worry you will get used to it soon.” Mrs. Beckley said with an irritating smile as she looked at the students direction and shook her head.

“It’s a pity that they(pointing at the students) would be the one to suffer for it!” She added and dropped the magazine she was reading for another.
It was obvious she had prepared to implement her threat as she didn’t move an inch from where she sat except on occasions when she had to us the toilet or get something.

I looked away and sighed heavily as I stared into space irritated and lost interest in the book which now laid open face down on the table…

“Aunty, it was rubbish they wrote for us!” A few student shouted as they all gathered round my table showing me their question papers. “The answers to this, this, this..” The students went on talking and pointing at the questions which obviously some of them had written as their face went dull and said nothing.

I looked at their faces, watching closely to know those who had written the obviously wrong answers. As the subject teacher whom the head teacher had told to help them write the answers for the malpractice had declined. And they had to write answers to things they had no idea of!

I smiled as the song ‘Teacher No Teach Me Nonsense’ by Fela Kuti crossed my mind and I hummed the song as I just stared at the ranting and shouting children.

By: Titilayo Adenuga
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