Fear or Regret

Reading Time: 3 mins 

Have you ever had moments you wished you did something but feared the outcome may not be positive?  Instead, you talked yourself out of it and later regretted what you did or did not do. I have and I’m certain that you too may have experienced such regrettable moments. 

It could be the fear of losing friendships or someone you thought loved you or the fear of quitting a job that doesn’t make you happy. Sometimes, it is the fear of saying yes to love and commitment or of exploring and charting a new course. 

Maybe for you, the fear of rejection or failure cripples your mind and makes it crawl back into its shell. But what if you were wrong and it just turned out right? Your fears or concerns may be valid but it shouldn’t stop you from making those possibly life-changing decisions. 

Okay. You tried several times but failed. But isn’t failure a part of life’s ecosystem? And honestly, failures help us appreciate and celebrate our wins. My point is if you didn’t try, how would you know what the eventual outcome might be? I’ve had an intentional mental shift plan to manage my anxieties and fears in the past 2 years and I must say, it’s working for me. So, I thought to share them with you -

1. Identify the root cause of your fear. For instance, If you are afraid of quitting a job that drains you because of financial reasons, especially when you haven’t gotten a new one but you are going crazy on the current one. The root cause, in this case, is the fear of financial crisis or lack. 

Your fears are very valid because yoooooo, feelings don’t pay the bills! However, here is what you can do. Before you quit, you may need an exit plan (except you have enough emergency funds or other means that can sustain you for the next 6 months +/- of waiting). By the way, I respect the courage of those who just go ahead without a plan because they chose to prioritize their mental health. In my opinion, this may work perfectly for some but again, if you don't have the means to sustain your livelihood, you need a simple plan!

• Stay positive, you will need all of the positivity to bloom in the garden of your mind (just picture that, and you’ll get it!). 
• Update your resume and start looking out for opportunities. Don’t be fooled, there are opportunities out there, lots of them, especially on LinkedIn. You just need to be patient and go for the right ones for you. Also, never forget the power of referrals. Check within your contact for connections that may just click for you. This is why you may need to learn how to network and build relationships.
• Increase your stream of income. If you are a Nigerian reading this, you already know the importance of multiple streams of income. A multiple cash flow not only augments your total income but also helps your mind. It gives you options. If you don’t have a thing for business, your money (investments) can do the trading for you. Your professional skills can make money for you. Just stop limiting yourself and your mind. Unclog your mind to find and see opportunities easily.
• Have a detailed review of your current lifestyle and expenses. Control the controllable and watch closely the ones you may not have total control over - those are the ones that can throw you into the streets. Ensure that your financial exit plan is solid enough to keep you covered.  

2. Feed your mind through meditations, prayers, and affirmations. I spend an hour praying and meditating daily. I also listen to a lot of podcasts on manifestations in every aspect of life. It keeps me grounded. Find what keeps you grounded. 

3. Go for it. Procrastination is the twin of fear. I have lost several opportunities from the voodoo of could I, would I, should Is’. Learning to break free from procrastination can start by doing the little things like washing the plates immediately. Going for that walk or the gym and stop overplanning it. Picking up your phone to call that number without overthinking it. Sending that email. Applying for those saved jobs. The trick here is to just do it. 

Last but not least. Always remember that you are not defined by your job, the job title, your marital status, your children, your clique of friends…or whatever it is that you hold dearly and attach strongly to your identity. You are who you are at the core of your being and existence. This may sound vague or a little confusing but hey, take a moment to reflect on these last words. 

Ask yourself - Who am I? 

If you didn’t have this job, this relationship, this child(ren), this title…who are you? 

If God forbid these existing things are taken away or terminated, who will you still be? 

Are you a human being or a human doing? 

Guess what? I am also still exploring the many sides of the human I am. But by identifying my struggles, I have been able to slowly learn to detach and be. 

Love, 

TA