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Grief!

 

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It’s been a couple of months and it seemed like I had almost completely forgotten what that feeling was - grief.

The first two months of the year were a hit that hurts. The loss of two loved ones - people I had beautiful childhood memories of and with.  People whose memories may never fade away, because somehow, I will always remember - there will be something, someday, some date that will make me remember.

I remember not knowing how to cry or mourn - my heart was too tired even though it hurt, badly. I just didn’t know how, anymore.

This night as I lay in my bed, in the dark, and thinking about random things. Things that made me smile, it’s 11:19pm and my mind keeps wandering like a lost child in the forest - okay, I tried sounding poetic there.

The point is, I just couldn’t sleep – my mind wandered into hidden memories from last month and the month before. Then, suddenly my heart and eyes starts to swell and I start to cry, again.

Then I remember that I will never see them again. I am looking for how to end this on a warm note but I don’t know how. So, I will leave it just as it is - as my heart feels right now.

I know, sleep will eventually come and I will wake up refreshed by morning, thankful for a new day - for those of us, living and breathing.

That in itself is a gift and it makes me smile. Oh, you see, somehow my heart and fingers have found a warm ground to end this.

Love always,

TA


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