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Eccedentesiast - Pain behind a Smile


Suicidical actions start and is built on depression. Dabbed and concealed in false impression - a foundational definition of my new found word ECCEDENTESIAST😧
You smile and you are full of laughter; little did they know you are empty and tired.

You chip in words here and there and they find strength in what you have dropped but you have no idea how to solve your own puzzle!
Everyone thinks you are "ok" and you say it all the time when asked "how are you?" You want to say beyond the regular "fine" which you suppose is the regular response as the persons who asked has moved on to something else after the expected reply.

You try to draw strength from books but it's just temporal as it seemed. You try to hang out even more...its all void!
So, you put up a 'natural' front and enjoy the accolades and praises of humans who think you are fine, because you told them that!


Wait o, I don't think it's okay to keep pretending to be fine when you are not!
(I am equally guilty and understand how easy it is to smile than explain reasons why you are sad😏)
But then, I honestly think it's sometimes okay not to be okay. It's okay to intentional break and tear down those walls...
It often times leads to discovery and recovery too!

I also think it's beautiful to find or have people who see beyond your smiles and ask you deeply and truly if you are okay!
(I have a few people whom I pick up my phone, call and cry my eyes out😢 It's such a blessing to have a few people who see beyond the 'strong' and ever smiling and positive 'supernatural' human!)
✋✋✋✋✋ 
(High Five - if you have such TRIBE!)

Darling!

Before you suck in your last breath, think...speak...search...find...the true reasons for your being happy (if and whenever you truly are!)

Put aside all the medals and dramas and achievements or could be achievements you have drawn in your mind and find time to connect to the true source of eternal joy and peace.
Free your spirit from all the struggles and tug of wars called life and draw strength from the well of life and light.

Discard all form and shades of hate, anger and discontent. Find pleasure in loving others and being loved.
Life is too short not to be enjoyed. Stop the drag and follow the light!
It starts and shines from within.
I leave you with lots of love and light🎇
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